Panic! At The Disco @ 2016 Summer Sonic Tokyo

“Let’s get these teen hearts beating faster, faster."

I went over my notes and I found that I probably did not start to notice Panic! At The Disco until 2008, the year in which their released the second album that is way different than their debut one. It turned out that I haven’t followed them for as long as I thought.

Anyways, the bizarred yet splendid circus in their music astonished me and has stayed in my life since then. But I did not have the chance to go to any of their concert by then since they’d not come to Asia for a very long time. (According to Brendon’s talking in Summer Sonic, it should be about ten years since their last visit.)

As time gone by, the lineup changed (rather peacefully) and the new albums kept coming out. “A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out” is still one of my 10 desert island albums and I loop the songs Time To Dance and Lying Is The Most Fun from time to time. P!ATD has still been creating gorgeous circus for us, and every new circus reminds us of the P!ATD in 2005 a little but also brings us further. I have to admit that I sometimes miss the “original” P!ATD but I also understand that even if the same lineup would last till now they might not be the same as I've imagined.

And Spencer left and P!ATD has become now a one-man-band. I knew that there is nothing to be blamed for and no one to blame, but I had not been really getting over it. The Death of the Bachelor is awesome but I could not stop wondering where the band is going.

I booked my ticket to 2016 Summer Sonic as soon as I knew that P!ATD is coming. It might be a closure for all the past years, I thought. But when Brendon started Time To Dance I still cried, and when he talked a little about Spencer before doing This Is Gospel I wept again and realized that I would stay here with the band. I noticed that there were some people like me who could lip-sync to all the songs, we exchanged looks like undercover audiences from a secret society which always praises the same glamorous yet not quite sophisticated circus from year 2005.

Setlist:
Don't threaten me with a good time
Vegas lights
Ballad of Mona Lisa
Hallelujah
Time to dance
Emperor's New Clothes
Nine in the afternoon
Bohemian rhapsody (cover of Queen)
Golden days
Miss Jackson
Crazy=Genius
I write sins not tragedies
This is Gospel
Victorious

童話故事裡灑血成花

小時候讀過的書聽過的歌有時會在奇妙的時分從腦中迸跳出來。

前些天提著筆電走回家時不知為何就想起《中國童話故事》裡的一則。那套書按日編排，每一天都有一個對應的傳說故事，有時應和當天的節氣或節慶，而一般的日子裡就紛紛擠滿了各式各樣的也許不太相關的故事。

關於嗜甜如命的好鼻師的故事應該是被安排在年節前後吧，總之是已經入冬而未至春日的某一天裡。在故事的結尾，爬上天庭又不慎摔下的好鼻師從不知幾萬里的高空落下，跌成了無數細小的破片。

然而貪甜的味蕾大概已經長在他每一條神經的末端，原本是好鼻師的那些碎片們仍然渴求甜食，於是不一會兒就化成了一隻隻朝向甜味奔去的小蟲，螞蟻這一生物於焉而生。

兒時讀過就遺忘至今的故事突然化成鮮明的影像。如果這個故事能夠拍成電影的話多好啊。土地上色彩斑斕的模糊人形突然動了起來、然後朝四面散去，鏡頭急急拉近卻只來得及捕捉到幾隻小蟲歙動著大頭上的觸角，匆匆忙忙而無語地向著不知何在的甜蜜味道奔跑過去。

直到不久之前，不論是小孩或是童話的概念都不存在於這世間，我們今日傳述的許多所謂童話也只是刪節省略之後的民間傳說，在它們誕生的世界裡並不需要閱覽分級的制度。有許多不夠純潔無垢不夠道德虛偽的情節就這樣消失了，但也有一些悄悄留了下來，那些小小的讀者總有一天能夠明白。

實驗紀錄

高中時，每週都有實驗課。分組，前往實驗室，遇上解剖課便適時經痛，架起器材，偶爾需要換上不知幾屆學姐穿過的白袍，取用藥品或砝碼，紀錄數據並抱怨數據，這些都沒有什麼困難的，我唯一不知如何對待的只有那薄薄一冊的實驗紀錄簿。

前兩年的高中生活我恍恍懵懵幾乎不太讀正課書籍，另外可能我當時除了個個性很賽之外也運氣帶賽，有我在內的實驗小組總是得不出漂亮的數據，只能硬著頭皮寫進紀錄簿裡；但除了實驗數據以外，每堂實驗都分配了一欄大概是叫「實驗心得」的欄位，我至今都沒有搞懂該在裡頭寫些什麼才好。

說真的，實驗的應有流程和理想結果都在課本上了，Xml的A混合Yml的B之後應當生成沉澱物C，移動玻片以後調整焦距和光圈理當可以看見某細胞，等等之類。雖然或許中途出過失誤，但這欄位好像也不是讓我們老老實實填上「那時候好像加錯藥品了耶哈哈哈下次會注意的喔～<(  ˊ．ω．ˋ)a」的。

寫什麼屁話呢當掉你啊。

自己填寫這一欄時我總是很難擠出超過五行文字，分數奇慘。

記得班上也有些人是自己填寫這個欄位的，但絕大多數人都選擇抄寫參考書的範本，實驗結果清爽漂亮或像我這樣一團糟的似乎都是。但那範本也就只是從頭到尾敘述一次實驗方法而已啊，我非常疑惑。

但我總之也照抄過一陣子，雖然因為懶得全部照抄，也只是寫個大概而已，分數不知是否因為如此而仍舊沒有起色。

高二暑假以後我默默開始溫書，後來總算勉強追上班上進度，雖然得到的數據仍然時常不可思議，實驗課時每個步驟的前因後果至少都在心裡清清楚楚。那幾個月裡，我小考的分數慢慢推進，但唯有紀錄簿的分數照樣悲慘無比。

學測結束成績也公布以後，某次我領回某一科的實驗紀錄簿，心想大概又只是一個小小的勾或半叉半勾，配上丁點分數，但我意外在實驗心得那一欄裡看見一小段評語，大致上說的是，不要以為你考得好就可以不用心了、即使你想念用不著這個學科的某某科系（但那根本不是我向稍微相熟的朋友都說過的志願科系）也不該抱著這樣隨便的態度，此類云云。

我捏著紀錄簿的邊角往回翻，那一次的紀錄我寫得沒有特別好或不好，仍然是那個一直搞不清楚該在欄位裡填什麼怎麼填才能拿到高分的魯鈍學生，而我迄今仍不能也不想確定當時發生了什麼，讓在那個科目的老師眼裡一向不起眼的我突然變得卑劣得刺眼。

許多事物之中都有著不可說的隱規則，而其中某些是我以我的小聰明無法撬開的。此刻的我依舊面對一樣的迷惘，像是踏入異地努力使用自己原不熟悉的語言，以為總算開口問了前方的路，才發現教你說話的那人其實讓你一句話就召來一圈嫌惡的眼神。